that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
