I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
