your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
