You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
