So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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