You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
