Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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