I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
