ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
