sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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