we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
