Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
