I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
