You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
