U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
