at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
