Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
