You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
