I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
