Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
