I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
