If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize