Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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