I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
