i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You pole danced in your parka.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
