Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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