My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Are we still banned from the library?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
