this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
