But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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