"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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