im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize