we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
