Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dignity is for republicans.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
