oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
