Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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