sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we're making bets on your personal life
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
