I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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