Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
