Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
