No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
