His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize