The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
