I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
