another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
