sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
