Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
