3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
