I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
