Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize