I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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