I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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