Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
