I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
