Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
