I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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