he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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