WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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