I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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