What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
