You don't have asthma, your pregnant
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
