i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
nutella sex= disaster
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
