She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
