Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
