Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
