i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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