On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
