why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
