My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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