I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
