Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
