Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
