Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
